The scenic overlook of the Columbia River, Washington State. Photo by author.
Life doesn’t always go according to plan, but that doesn’t mean you’re stuck in a never-ending cycle of disappointment. At almost 40 – yes, I am still holding on to my 30’s, I am learning that there are different ways to cope, reframing situations, finding something to appreciate, and exploring alternative options. These are steps that I am discovering as I work on redefining who I am despite what has been learned as my behavioral reactions.
College opened up a new life that I was not expecting or seeking out. From the moment of graduating high school, I knew that I wanted to move as far away from home as possible. Far away to a state that was not the first, second, or even third choice for graduates. Minnesota, the land of 10,000 lakes, home to the Mall of America, waterskiing, and Judy Garland. If I only knew what was to come, I would have followed the crowd to California, New York, or any other big city of choice.
To make a long story short, immediately after high school, I moved to the Twin Cities, went to a technical college for radio broadcasting, met a guy, and not long after, gave birth to my two sons. Through many years of emotional abuse and a hard struggle to break the cycle, I am here sharing my vulnerabilities with the world. All events in the last twenty years have changed my curious, independent, confident mind and created an anxious, uneasy, trauma-filled chick who now has to relearn who she is and how to move forward.
Starting therapy and researching were the first steps taken once I decided that I needed to work on myself before I can introduce others into my life. Yes, I have friends, good ones who know my insanity and deal with my ongoing bickering and poor judgment. But not any that are really in tune with the dark actuality of feeling alone, the constant worry of this and that, and the rumination of involuntary memories mixed with the what-ifs. The discovery of what was reality and truth presented itself and was a rude awakening.
Self-care and self-compassion are the two shared components in all aspects of my rediscovery. Self-care can range and can mean something different for everyone. According to the Rocky Vista Health Center, there are eight areas of self-care:
1. Physical:
Eating healthy, exercising, and good sleep are all general basics of good physical health. If you are not in good physical health then you are not in a good position to be good to yourself or anyone else.
2. Psychological, Mental Health:
This one is huge! Trauma, abuse, mental disorders, and more can affect our mental health. Recognizing the need for support and utilizing available resources such as therapy, support groups, following medical recommendations, etc. can help in healing, improve brain functionality, and provide insight to any condition.
3. Emotional:
Emotions are high, especially when there are negative factors in play. Accepting these emotions can help in the process of healing. Setting clear, healthy, and safe boundaries with yourself and others is a great start. Therapy talks regarding emotional stress are also a great tool for processing life situations and working on coping skills.
4. Social:
Spending time alone when needed along with socializing with friends and family helps in finding balance and developing healthy interpersonal relationships. Limiting negative people in your life, reaching out for support, and staying connected can improve your mood and refine communication and social interaction skills.
5. Professional:
Having confidence and fulfillment where you work can boost morale and give you a sense of purpose. Your skills and efforts also affect those around you in the workplace so work towards staying positive!
6. Environmental:
This one can involve making your bed every morning, having a cup of coffee while preparing for your day, or listening to music. Anything that can help calm, motivate, or just make you feel better all around can aid in a change in your mood and set up for the day.
7. Spiritual:
Spirituality can mean different things to each individual. Some individuals believe in a higher being, some choose mindfulness and meditation techniques to help nurture the mind and body. Whatever this may mean to you can help find a feeling of internal peace.
8. Financial:
Lastly, financials. Stress, anxiety, and anger all can arise from the thought of finances. However, setting goals, creating budgets, and investing in the future can all relieve those thoughts and provide a feeling of safety and positivity around money.
While I am working on one step at a time in my journey and learning many things about past relationships, myself, and pretty much why I am the way I am, these areas provide a strong foundation. If you are struggling with which one to focus on first, choose one that best suits your goals and will alleviate some stress then go from there. These can all be catered to your needs, goals, wanted outcomes, and moving on!
Information provided by rockyvistac.com
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